Relena's Strange Dream
by botoxforever
Summary: Relena goes to a psychologist and reveals a strange dream. She and other mainstream anime characters go on a strange adventure. The psychologist doesn't know what to do. PG-13 for bad Relena language
1. Default Chapter

Meeting With the Ficwriter "J" By: botoxforever Disclaimer/Warning: I definitely do not own Gundam Wing, Big O, Dragon Ball Z, MTV, Sailor Moon, Celebrity Death Match, Ranma, American Idol, FRIENDS, or the WF (wrestling federation), I was only 13 years old. so this is immature. I'm sorry for parodying everyone.  
  
Meeting With the Fic Writer  
  
Relena: What the fuck is up with me always yelling Heeeerrrrooo?!  
  
Quatre: *snicker* Relena [in a sing song voice] you're a Peacecraft. You aren't supposed to swear.  
  
Relena: You shut the hell up. Quatre, even you aren't playing your Role.  
  
Fic writer J: Relena!  
  
Duo: What?! Can everyone please be quiet? I wanna talk.  
  
Quatre: No surprise there.  
  
Fic writer J: Quatre!  
  
Quatre: Fic writer!  
  
Wufei: WOMAN!  
  
Duo: I just want to ask if I can ditch the clip on ponytail in the next flick?  
  
Wufei: Only girls wear clip-ons.  
  
Duo: Oh yeah wig head?  
  
Wufei: Wighead?  
  
Hilde: Duo! Wufei! Stop! Don't fight here!  
  
Relena: Oh yeah! A fight!  
  
Quatre: Fic writer, can I dye my hair blue?  
  
Zechs: Hey, if he gets to do that, I want to stop bleaching.  
  
Treize: Where's Lady Une?  
  
Sally: She's in a padded cell, something about split personalities.  
  
Fic writer J: Gomez! Catherine!  
  
Gomez: Yes?  
  
Fic writer J: (to Noin) Why are Gomez and Uncle Fester (from The Addams Family here?  
  
Noin: It's a free colony.  
  
Fic writer J: No! I mean this is a Gundam Wing meeting for sobbing in your mobile suit! Not a flipping Addams Family Reunion!  
  
Noin: Oh. I get what you mean.  
  
Catherine: I didn't think you'd mind.  
  
Trowa: Catherine was watching Gomez and Fester throw knives.  
  
Catherine: And I was sure Trowa and I could kick their butts in a match. So I called them *turns and throws a knife over her shoulder* out.  
  
Fic writer J: You called them out.  
  
Catherine: Yup. You know, I challenged them to a match.  
  
Trowa: Come on! Closer to the head!  
  
Heero: *fires a gun very close to Trowa's head*  
  
Fic writer J: Heero!  
  
Heero: I'll kill you all!  
  
Treize: Ha. Ha. Go ahead and try Wing ZERO boy! You're nothing! ZERO! You can't kill me. I'm supposedly already dead. I didn't even get to be in Endless Waltz.*sobs*  
  
Duo: Ha, Ha! I've got Wufei's wig!  
  
Quatre: Okay. *sniff* Let's send it into the sun-  
  
Treize: Oh please, do not remind me of your crying antics on Endless Waltz.  
  
Wufei: Yeah Quatre, you're making Treize jealous, he wasn't even in Endless Wa-[Duo has shoved Wufei's own wing into his mouth]  
  
Treize: Chemicals in my brain are moving around and re-shifting to stimulate the emotion known as anger. To be put in simplistic terms I am offended at your ongoing-  
  
Quatre: Ahhhh! Lady Une is loose!  
  
Lady Une: Glasses or no?  
  
Treize: My lady. I heard you had an Identity crisis.  
  
Lady Une: That's a load of kuso! (Crap in Japanese)  
  
Treize: Please, regain your composure Lady.  
  
Fic writer J: How did you escape from the asylum?!  
  
Dorothy: I helped her.  
  
Duo: You know. I have a clip-on, Wufei had a wig, Zechs bleaches, and Treize plucks. but Dorothy's eyebrows are real!!!  
  
Treize: They're real?! *faints*  
  
Lady Une: Mister Treize?  
  
Fic writer J: (on the phone) - yes.come now.take Lady Une back to her padded cell. . .okay.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Who was that?  
  
Fic writer J: *blinks* What are you doing here?  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Who was that?  
  
Fic writer J: Oh! It was Goku. He's doing that little appearing thingy . . . uh . . . instant teleportation to transport Lady Une back to her padded cell.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": *blinks* padded--? As in like-that time of the month . . .?  
  
Fic writer J: That's really sick "Jess." Get your mind out of the gutter.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": I know.  
  
Relena: tightassmotherfuck! Hey! Come on! Kick his ass, you bitchwipe little prude!  
  
[Even Wufei's skin crawls when Relena shows her true personality]  
  
Trowa: SHUT UP!  
  
Relena: You SHUT UP!  
  
"Mars": Both of you shut it!  
  
"Missy": You always say that.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": What kind of fic are you running here? What are those Addams Family dopes doing here?!  
  
Heero: *seeing "Jess" for the first time* Ahhhhhh! Don't let her come near me! My character suffered enough in her last fic. Relena save ME!!!!  
  
"Missy": Disturbing.  
  
Relena: *turning to face "Jess"* Baka Chinga! (Stupid ass in Japanese) You said my dad was alive! (In "Jess's" last fic, she fooled Relena into believing that her father was still alive.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Oh piss off!  
  
"Mars": (to Duo) Shut it!  
  
Relena: Why don't you-  
  
"Mars": Shut it!  
  
Wufei: Who are you?  
  
"Mars": WOULDN"T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?!  
  
Zechs: E-  
  
"Mars" DOES SHUT IT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!  
  
"Mars": We are here to hear your complaints about the fics and hear your ideas for future fics.  
  
Relena: I don't give a fuckrat what you are here for.  
  
"Mars:" Shut it. We don't care about your stupid issues.  
  
Quatre: For the love of Sandrock!  
  
Heero: And ZERO.  
  
Wufei: And the Dragon.  
  
"Mars": Grrrrr . . . SHUT IT!  
  
Bill Clinton: I will pardon all of you.  
  
"Mars": Shut-Oh my-  
  
Fic writer J: AHHH! You! Out of this, NOW!!  
  
Bill Clinton: What are you trying to do, impeach me?!?!  
  
Fic writer J: Get Out!!!  
  
Relena: Kisama (You with scorn in Japanese. Almost to the same effect as Damn you!), get out!  
  
Bill Clinton: Relena, I thought you would understand politician to politician.  
  
Relena: Oh please! Do you think I'm a real honest to ZERO politician? I lied and pulled strings to get into office.and don't you dare quote me! Re-election is coming.  
  
Fic writer J: You, Clinton, What are you still doing here?!  
  
Bill Clinton: Me? I'm going, I'm going! *he disappears*  
  
Trowa: For the love of-  
  
"Mars": Shut it.  
  
Relena: Who the hell are "Missy," "Mars," and Fic writer "Jess"?!  
  
"Mars": Curious isn't it?  
  
"Missy": That is for us to know-  
  
Relena: Yes, yes and you to find out. I know. That is such a cliché. Who are you? Hey, "Mars," I know that you're not Sailor Mars and you sure aren't the god of war, or from the manga MARS. . . so. . .?  
  
"Mars": Inquisitive.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Actually we're Lady Une's friends from the asylum.  
  
-Silence-  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Okay, Actually, we're fic writers.  
  
Heero: Kuso (crap in Japanese).  
  
New character: Darien! Darien!  
  
Sailor Mars: That's not Darien you dumbbell! That's Trowa!  
  
Sailor Moon: Oh. Are you sure? He has longlegs like Darien.  
  
Trowa: *turns around* I don't look like Darien!  
  
Sailor Moon: Hey! Your bangs are weird! Ohhhh scary! SCARY! That guy in tight pants has a gun! OH HELP! *Starts wailing and crying*  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *Sighs* What a flake.  
  
Quatre: who are you girls?  
  
Sailor Moon: I'm Sailor Moon! The champion of justice!  
  
Sailor Venus: Yeah, yeah, actually we're all pretty girls with unnaturally long legs, huge eyes, twig skinny waists, short skirts and talking cat gurus.  
  
Wufei: I love you guys! I'm in all the fan clubs!  
  
Heero: *raises an eyebrow*  
  
Zechs: Really.go on.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Zechs, what are you talking about?  
  
Zechs: Venus just told me that her hair is really blond! Unbelievable isn't it?  
  
Sailor Venus: (under her breath) that's 'cause you bleach.  
  
Sailor Mercury: Not really. . .you know my hair really is blue.  
  
Trowa: Really?? I never realized that people could have naturally blue hair.  
  
Treize: And I never realized that Dorothy's eyebrows are real.and she's my niece!  
  
Relena: You and Freddie Prince Jr. have something in common.  
  
Treize: What?  
  
Freddie Prince Jr.: We both pluck our eyebrows.  
  
Relena: What the asspick?! We're at MTV!  
  
Sailor Mercury: Yes according to my observations we have-  
  
Wufei: Hey what are we doing here?  
  
Fic writer J: When you were discussing eyebrows, I transported us all here. We are at-  
  
Announcer: Welcome to CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH!!!  
  
Heero: Kuso.  
  
Trowa: For the love of ZERO! 


	2. Relena's Dream part II

"Mars": HA HA HA!!!  
  
Freddie Prince Jr.: Unh.well.gotta pluck.see ya!  
  
Treize: No!!!! Don't leave me here!!!  
  
"Mars": Bwahahahaha!!!!!  
  
-Silence-  
  
Everyone: *sweat drop*  
  
Announcer #2: Our first match is Relena and Heero against Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask!  
  
Relena: *punches Sailor Moon*  
  
Sailor Moon: Wait! I have to transform!  
  
Relena: Oh ZERO! She's getting naked!!!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, let's keep this G-rated!!!! *puts a giant rose in front of Sailor Moon*  
  
Heero: *pulls out a gun and shoots the tie off of Tuxedo Mask's mask* Cumulative kuso! Take a look at the face under the mask.  
  
Sailor Moon: Andrew, our secret is discovered.  
  
Andrew/Tuxedo Mask: Kuso.  
  
[Darien jumps into the fray where Relena is kicking everyone's butts, and Heero is shooting at the ceiling. Andrew/Tuxedo Mask is throwing roses to no avail. Darien starts beating up on Andrew and Sailor Moon. Relena is laughing and having a grand old time]  
  
Announcer: Cumulative kuso. *blushes and says he picked it up from Heero* It's Leo Dicaprio.  
  
Announcer #2: No you crackhead. That's not Leo DiCaprio that's his anomaly twin brother.  
  
Announcer: (mumbling) As if the first original wasn't scary enough.  
  
Relena: Now this is weird. I have nightmares about the original Leo. Humm. What to do..?  
  
Heero: I know what. *BANG (a gun goes off)* Kill him.  
  
Relena: Nice. Would have been cooler if you said, "I will kill you" in Japanese.  
  
Trowa: I still can't get used to the real Relena.  
  
Heero: Die Moon!  
  
Duo: It's supposed to be "Die Maxwell!!!!" Not moon!!!  
  
Announcer: And the winners are: Heero and Relena!!  
  
Darien: I can't believe that you would cheat on me Sailor Moon! Oh well.me and Lady Une are having a budding romance as well.  
  
Treize: Pardon me?!  
  
Darien: I said that Lady Une and I are going out-- *he gets socked in the mouth*  
  
Announcer: Well it looks as though our next match is between Treize and Darien!  
  
Relena: Yeah, left, right, left, left, ooh, nice. Yeah! Get him. Wahoo!!!!  
  
Heero: For the love of ZERO.  
  
"Mars: Oh Shut it.  
  
Sailor Uranus: How immature of Darien.  
  
Sailor Mercury: Come on Amara, don't be so hard on him.  
  
Quatre: After all, Relena was cheating on him too.  
  
Sailor Uranus: Hey I know you! You're that crybaby on Gundam Wing.  
  
Quatre: Oh please. That's acting. Besides I know that you're a size-  
  
Sailor Uranus: STOP!!! Do not say what size skirt I have! You crybaby actor.  
  
Quatre: Ha. Ha. You wolf in sheep's' clothing!  
  
Sailor Uranus: Wh-What are you talking about?  
  
Quatre: You boy! You boy in a skirt! How dare you! You accuse me of being a crybaby when you shave your legs!  
  
Sailor Uranus: How do you know?!  
  
Quatre: I'm a professional hacker. Amendment 9: The right to choose your own profession.  
  
Sailor Uranus: You! You die Winner!  
  
Quatre: Whatever, Wolfie!  
  
Announcer: Wow, we have another battle: Quatre vs. Uranus!!  
  
Quatre: *punches Uranus*  
  
Sailor Uranus: *grabs Sailor Neptune's violin*  
  
Sailor Neptune: Amara no!  
  
Sailor Uranus: Actually my name is Amard. *swings violin at Quatre*  
  
Quatre: Hey, no fair! *grabs his violin and brings it down on Uranus' head*  
  
Sailor Uranus: You shitbag. URANUS WORD SHAKEN!!!  
  
Quatre: *jumps into the air to avoid the blast*  
  
Sailor Uranus: Hey, Neptune, you're pretty!  
  
Sailor Neptune: For the love of ZERO, get away from me!!!  
  
Quatre: If you're going to use your powers, I get to se Sandrock!  
  
Uranus: Deathscythe Hell no!  
  
Quatre: I've already decided. *slices Amara/Amard/Uranus in half*  
  
Sailor Neptune: Yesss! I thought I would never get rid of him/her? She was hogging all of my airtime.  
  
Relena: YEAH!!! Ooh the Treize vs. Darien fight is still going!  
  
Treize: You have no elegance! *slaps Darien*  
  
Darien: Only girls slap!  
  
Treize: Darien, you and Relena have something in common. You always yell Sereeeeeena! And Relena always yells Heeeeerrooo!  
  
Relena: Darien, kill that man!  
  
Noin: No Relena, that's your brother . . .'s . . . boyfriend.  
  
Relena: W.T.F. (What the fuck) Darien KILL that man!  
  
Duo: And I'll have cheese.pepperoni.anchovies.olives.  
  
Relena: Give me that cell phone. *grabs Duo's phone* Duo's gonna have to call you back! *hangs up on the pizza place and dialed the asylum* Yeah, yeah, I need her now! What?!?! Are you questioning me?! You shut up! I'm the QUEEN of the WORLD! I can do whatever I want!  
  
[The asylum van pulls up to the ring. Men in white jackets hop out and take the straitjacket off of a small form. The form jumps on stage and kills everyone. The form is.Marimeia.]  
  
Marimeia: I'm carrying out my Relena's will. . .  
  
Relena: Okay great, now go back to the asylum.  
  
Marimeia: No! I don't want to! It's horrible! Everyday Une and I suffer!  
  
Heero: I'll end your suffering! *Bang! (a gun goes off)*  
  
Relena: I hope you got it right this time.  
  
Duo: Hey I just noticed something!  
  
Fic writer J: What?  
  
Duo: I'm made out of clay!  
  
"Mars": Duh! Everyone on Celebrity Death Match is clay!  
  
Wufei: Ahhh! Get away from me! The Sailor Scouts are molding my ponytail into a Gumby shape!!!  
  
Duo: (mumbling) So what? My braid is in the shape of Wallace and Gromit.  
  
Trowa: I have Chicken Run characters in my bangs!  
  
Ranma: Hi Uranus!  
  
Sliced Uranus: Hey Ran Man! How's it going?  
  
Ranma: Same old, same old. I heard they found out you're a guy.  
  
Sliced Uranus: Yeah.  
  
Ranma: Yeah, but being half girl, half guy has worked so far for me.  
  
Sliced Uranus: Hey! Yeah maybe it will work for me!  
  
All the Sailor Scouts, GW characters, & Fic writers: Don't count on it!  
  
Sliced Uranus: It's just an idea.  
  
Ranma: Hey I'm going shopping for prom dresses want to come?  
  
Sliced Uranus: Yeah. *both leave* 


	3. Relena's Dream part III

Fic writer J: Welcome to the set of Big O  
  
Fic writer "Jess": W.T.F.?! What are we doing at the set of Big O?!  
  
Heero, Trowa, Wufei, Quatre, and Duo: Big O?! Where?! Where?~  
  
Trowa: Big O is a wannabe Gundam!  
  
Heero: Yeah!!! I'm gonna kick that wannabe's pussyass in the Wing ZERO.  
  
Wufei: Not if I kill him first!  
  
Fic writer J: Hey where did those Addams Family dudes go?  
  
Noin: Deathscythe Hell-O? Death plus Celebrities fighting equals fun for that family. They stayed at Celebrity Death Match.  
  
Fic writer J: Oh.  
  
Big O Dorothy: What are you doing here?  
  
Dorothy: My name is Dorothy Cata-  
  
Big O Dorothy: You are mistaken for I am Dorothy.  
  
Dorothy: No you bitch, I'm Dorothy!  
  
Big O Dorothy: I am Dorothy.  
  
Dorothy: I'M DOROTHY, fucker! Hey, you stole my headband!  
  
Big O Dorothy: Did not!  
  
Dorothy: Did too! I used to have a headband just like that too, bitch! (Both Dorothy from Gundam Wing and Dorothy from Big O have black headbands.)  
  
Relena: Great! Maybe they'll cat fight.  
  
"Missy": Nah. It's not Dorothy's style.  
  
"Mars": Which Dorothy?  
  
"Missy": The Big O one.  
  
Relena: *sighs* too bad.  
  
Sally: Ooh! They're drawing swords!  
  
Relena: Yea!  
  
Noin: Oh, false alarm, Big O Dorothy is just helping Dorothy trim her hair.  
  
Relena: Damn.  
  
Heero: It's the Big O pilot.  
  
Trowa: Wannabe.  
  
Wufei: Kill him!  
  
Heero: Omae-  
  
B. O. pilot Roger Smith: Yo, man, shut up! What's with all this Japanese language?  
  
Heero: Kisama!  
  
Roger Smith: I can't understand a fucken' word you're saying.  
  
Trowa: But you're Japanese.  
  
Roger Smith: So? And your point is?  
  
Quatre: May kuso fall upon you.  
  
Roger Smith: Oh, hey, Quatre I trust you because you always act so feminine. So is this "May kuso fall upon you" some kind of blessing?  
  
Quatre: It's actually May kuso rain down upon you. And yeah I guess you could call it a blessing.  
  
Roger Smith: Thanks man.  
  
[Heero, Trowa, Wufei, and Duo are cracking up. Heero is pounding on the ground]  
  
Heero: Anyway, Omae-  
  
Roger Smith: I thought I asked you to shut up!  
  
"Mars": You shut it!  
  
Roger Smith: You.  
  
"Mars": No-you-shut-no-shu-t-shut it-no I don't want to hear it-no-shut-SHUT IT! (Every time there is a - B. O. pilot tried to cut in)  
  
Trowa: Thank you, now we can kill him.  
  
[Heero is jumping into his Gundam. The Big O pilot into the Big O. Trowa jumped into Heavyarms. Wufei into Nataku. Duo into Deathscythe Hell Custom. And Quatre into Sandrock.]  
  
Trowa: You may go first Heero.  
  
Heero: Thank you.  
  
Roger Smith: Oh cut the crap. What is with all the formalities. I mean-  
  
[A sound vibrates through the air as the Big O is sliced in half, shot, blasted, cut, blown apart, and destroyed]  
  
Heero: I thought I was going first.  
  
Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and Duo: *looking sheepish* (mumbling) Sorry we couldn't resist.  
  
Heero: Rest in pieces Roger Smith.  
  
Quatre: May kuso rain down upon you.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": That's funny.  
  
"Mars": What's funny?  
  
Fic writer "Jess": I would have thought that B. O. Dorothy would have protested or fought back.  
  
"Mars": Inquisitive.  
  
Dorothy: Not really. *triumphantly holds up a black headband* As you know, her headband was her hard drive.  
  
Amard/Amara/Sliced Uranus: I'm back!  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Okay. New rule in this fic, if you are a girl dressed as a guy, or vice-versa you have to leave. So all cross dressers be gone. Now!  
  
Sliced Uranus: Aw shucks.  
  
Treize: You are only referring to Uranus right?  
  
"Mars": Oh.my.ZERO.are you saying-  
  
"Missy": All cross dressers.  
  
Treize: Darn, come on Uranus *leaves with Uranus*  
  
Everyone: *sweat drop*  
  
"Missy": Hey Quatre, shouldn't you be gone?  
  
Quatre: Piss off you Omae lover.  
  
"Jess": Yeah, Quatre.  
  
Fic writer J: Shut up Jess. Quatre is a boy.  
  
Heero: I wasn't aware that Treize-  
  
Wufei: Disturbing isn't it?  
  
Dorothy: I've got the headband, I've got the headband-  
  
"Missy": Ooooookay.  
  
"Mars": Where are we now?  
  
Venus: Oh Zero no! Don't tell me, are we at Dragonball Z? Please no.  
  
Fic writer J: Yup! Welcome to Dragonball Z girls and boys, please keep your hands, mouths, and feet inside the tour cart.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Oh for sobbing in your mobile suit, what kind of fic is this?!  
  
Fic writer J: Excuse me, do you have a something to say Jess-with-quote-marks-around-your-name, because I'm sure I can pen in some scandalous and degrading-to-your-image scenes. After your little "What?-I just-made-you-a-stripper-with-Quatre-in-my-last-fic,-what-is-the-big-deal,- don't-get-so-mad" deal on your last fic, I wouldn't push the envelope of luck!  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Hehe. 


	4. Relena's Dream part IV

"Missy": Don't be so hard on-  
  
Fic writer J: Don't speak unless you and "Jess" want to be out of here before you can say fuck you you fuck forward and backwards twice.  
  
"Mars": Oookay.  
  
Relena: Look Cell and Goku are fighting!!!  
  
Fic writer J: Darn, we came too far in time. Let's go back to before Cell.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Why?  
  
Fic writer J: Because Trunks was only cute before Cell when he had the short purple hair. Duh!  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Well excuse me, missy, forgive me for my shortsightedness.  
  
"Missy": I'm Missy!  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Oh yeah. My bad.  
  
Cute Trunks: Hello.  
  
Relena: Hi. You're cool. You killed Frieza. This is my boy Heero. He's killed more people than you. Can I have your autograph?  
  
Cute Trunks: Uh, sure, whatever.  
  
Goku: Where's my special effects man? How am I supposed to disappear and reappear without special effects?  
  
Cute Gohan: Where is my stunt double?  
  
Heero and Wufei: *snickering* You don't do your own stunts?  
  
Cute Gohan: Of course not!  
  
Wufei: You are weak! Weak people can't fight! Weak!  
  
Relena: Yeah!!! They're fighting!!!  
  
[Vegeta starts firing wildly into spaces on the ground. Relena is cheering on Heero who is shooting everyone. Dorothy has out a sword and she's stabbing everything. All the Gundam pilots are in their Gundams. Wufei is shouting about pink shirts. And Relena is laughing and having a grand old time]  
  
Vegeta: *lying on the golf course worthy green grass* (mumbling) It figures that Quatre and Trunks would be the only ones not injured but kicking butt. After all, this is how you can tell favoritism. What a sucky fic.  
  
Fic writer J: Excuse me?  
  
Vegeta: Your fic sucks.  
  
Fic writer J: Why?  
  
Vegeta: Cause I got beat up.  
  
Wufei: *lying on the ground with a black eye* WEAK!!!  
  
Fic writer J: For once I agree with Wufei.  
  
Vegeta: You have a problem with pink shirts, isn't that it?  
  
Fic writer J: You shouldn't talk with your mouth full Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta: My mouth isn't full.  
  
Fic writer J: Yes it is. It's full of kuso.  
  
Vegeta: You monster!  
  
"Missy": Face it Vegeta, you're beat!  
  
Vegeta: I'm not!  
  
Relena: Heero, kill that man!  
  
Heero: Yes ma'am!  
  
Relena: Ooh! Ow! That's gotta be sore. *snicker*  
  
Fic writer J: Let's leave.  
  
"Mars": I thought you'd never say those words.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Thank you Zero! 


	5. Relena's Dream part V

Fic writer J: Does anyone want to stay?  
  
Everyone except Vegeta: Deathscythe Hell no!  
  
Fic writer J: Where should we go next?  
  
Sally: How about to FRIENDS!  
  
Noin: Survivor!  
  
Hilde: Boot Camp!  
  
Zechs: Let's check out some music videos!  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Oh ZERO.  
  
"Missy": Don't tell me you listened to Zechs?!  
  
"Mars": This sucks.  
  
Suddenly a lyric of music: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!  
  
Trowa: Kuso.  
  
Sailor Mars: You have got to be kidding me!  
  
Sailor Moon: I'm the Queen of the future Crystal Tokyo!  
  
Relena: So what?! I'm the Queen of the World!  
  
Sailor Moon: I'm the moon princess!  
  
Relena: Yeah that's because your brain is up in space meatball head!  
  
Britney Spears: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!!!  
  
Heero: Well okay. *punches Britney*  
  
[Britney Spears punches Heero, and Heero is knocked unconscious. Then Trowa slings Heero over his shoulder, and Sailor Mini Moon lies down on the ground. Some dudes run into the room.] (scene from Endless Waltz, where Trowa Heero and Duo plan their escape from a military compound.)  
  
The dudes: What is going on here?  
  
Trowa: I knocked um out.  
  
[Suddenly Sailor Mini Moon jumps up and runs out the door. The dudes run after Mini Moon. Then.Crazed Christina fans run into the room chanting "Spear Britney! Spear Britney! Spear Britney!" Spears start flying all over the room.]  
  
Sailor Neptune: Let's leave through that side door!  
  
Everyone: Yea.  
  
[All run out the side door right onto.the Jessica Simpson music video set]  
  
Fic writer J: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!  
  
Heero: (revived) Omae o korosu!!!  
  
Jessica Simpson: Huh?  
  
Fic writer "Jess": That means, "I will kill you."  
  
Jessica Simpson: Like, what?  
  
Sailor Moon: Oh scary! SCARY! That guy in tight pants has a gun!!! (she is seeing Heero's gun for the first time)  
  
Sailor Mercury: Quickly out this door!  
  
[Everyone runs out]  
  
A lyric of music: THE SHAPE OF MY HEART (Backstreet Boys)  
  
Fic writer J: You know what? Let's go back to the Jessica Simpson.  
  
Relena: Heero kill those Bullshit Boys! (otherwise known as the Backstreet Boys.)  
  
[Heero is firing a gun and choking the 5 members.]  
  
Noin: Hey, where are we?  
  
Fic writer J: I transported us to this back room at the MTV studios. There's a cable television.  
  
Sally: Hey check this out.  
  
Newscaster: In a bizarre attack today a group of people or should I say cartoons?-walked into the Britney Spears shoot! This security camera shows Britney Spears punching a boy in spandex. Quickly followed by a mob trying to attack Ms. Spears. As you can see, the first group of people ran right into Jessica Simpson's music video set where that boy in spandex made a threat on Ms. Simpson's life! They quickly ran into the Backstreet Boys set. The Backstreet Boys are made of only 4 members today because the spandex boy shot XXX. (XXX = censored) The nation's flags were lowered to half-mast, and I'm sure you're crying too. The rest of the boys are in critical condition after being rushed to the Emergency room. Officials are still searching for the spandex boy and that group of people/cartoons. If you have any information please call us at XXX-XXXX. We'll have more MTV news at ten to the hour on MTV.  
  
"Mars": Sailor Moon, what the fuck are you doing?!  
  
Sailor Moon: I'm calling that number! Cause I have information!  
  
Fic writer J: No!  
  
[Everyone ties Sailor Moon up and gags her. After 5 minutes she breaks free of the gag and starts wailing. They tie her up again but she breaks free from her bonds over and over again. Finally Heero rigs up a bomb and tells Sailor Moon that it will explode when she next talks. Finally it is quiet enough to have a team discussion.]  
  
Trowa: what should we do?  
  
"Mars": We can't stay here much longer.  
  
Hilde: I say, the fic writer J will transport us some where else.  
  
Noin: Do you agree?  
  
Fic writer J: Okay.  
  
Sally: Where to?  
  
Relena: Celebrity Death Match!!!  
  
Quatre: We can't go back there because they'll be looking over there.  
  
Relena: Oh yeah.  
  
Sailor Mercury: How about the sci-fi channel.  
  
Sailor Venus: FRIENDS!  
  
Sailor Neptune: Survivor!  
  
Sailor Mars: American Idol!  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Digimon!  
  
"Missy": Tenchi!  
  
Wufei: Cardcaptors! What? Sakura's cute!  
  
-Silence-  
  
-Sweat drop- 


	6. Relena's Dream part VI

Sailor Mars: Yeah! We're going to American Idol!  
  
Sailor Moon: Wait don't leave me here!  
  
-BOOM-  
  
Heero: What a shame.  
  
"Mars": There are only two candidates left.  
  
[Heero, Trowa, and Wufei pull out TV guides.]  
  
Trowa: American Idol starts in 30 seconds.  
  
Wufei: We have arrived safely.  
  
Heero: I vote you off the island (Bam!) And I vote you off the island (Bam!)  
  
"Missy": This.you-Heero you killed off the last two characters!  
  
"Mars": And this isn't Survivor, you can't vote them off the island or out of Australia!  
  
Heero: Well I just did.  
  
Sailor Jupiter: Oooookay.  
  
Noin: Let's leave.  
  
"Missy": Quickly.  
  
[Fic writer J transports them to the FRIENDS set]  
  
Nikki: Hi D.A.F.  
  
Fic writer J: Hi F.F.! What are you doing here?  
  
Nikki: I'm in this episode! Cool huh!!!?  
  
Fic writer J: Yeah.  
  
-BANG-  
  
Nikki: AHHHH!!! Who is that guy? He shot Phoebe!  
  
Heero: Mission Accomplished.  
  
Phoebe: Oh, that's not me, that's my twin sister.  
  
Nikki: Oh the porn star?  
  
Phoebe: Yeah.  
  
Wufei: Hentai? *drools*  
  
Nikki: Oh. Well this is weird.  
  
Sailor Neptune: Let's go commercial surfing!  
  
Fic writer J: Okay.  
  
Lyric: BA-BA-BA-BA-BUM-BA-BA-BA-BA-BUM, DA-DA-DA. THE JOY OF PEP-SE-E-AH! (It is the old Pepsi commercial with Britney Spears)  
  
Heero: YOU! YOU! KISAMA! (Remember Kisama means you with scorn)  
  
Britney Spears: You!  
  
[She punches Heero really hard. Heero faints]  
  
Sailor Neptune: Kuso. (Remember kuso means crap.) I think we stepped into the wrong commercial.  
  
Trowa: Yeah! The Britney Spears Pepsi Commercial.  
  
-Suddenly-: Spear Britney! Spear Britney!  
  
Wufei: It's those crazy Christina fans.  
  
Quatre: The commercial changed!  
  
"Mars": Thank ZERO!  
  
Duo: What the Deathscythe Hell? It's a Jessica Simpson music video!  
  
Relena: Omae o korosu! (I will kill you in Japanese)  
  
[Relena pulls out her gun. -BAM-]  
  
--sweat drop-  
  
Heero: didn't know she had one . . .  
  
Everyone: *nods mutely* 


	7. Relena's Dream part VII

Newscaster: Yesterday there were 4 major divas. They were Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Mandy Moore, and Jessica Simpson. Jessica Simpson had been assassinated. One gunshot wound to the head. And let me just say that I love cows. I'm a vegetarian. I was so upset that Jessica Simpson wore so much leather. Let me express my gratitude to whoever killed Ms. Simpson. Thank ZERO!  
  
Director: What the fuck is she doing?  
  
Man: Get her off the air!  
  
Newscaster #2: Sorry about the first newscaster.Yesterday there were two major boy bands, NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys. Today, as of now, there are only 3 members left. Yes! Yes! NSYNC rules! Long live NSYNC! If you have any information, please do not call the flashing number below!  
  
[The director runs up and pushes the 2nd newscaster out of the way]  
  
Director: We'll have more MTV news at 10 to the hour. Only on MTV. Fuck!!! It's supposed to be "at ten to the hour on MTV" One sentence not two!  
  
[TRL returned on the television screen. They were watching that television in Chuck E. Cheese's on the 10 to the hour bulletin before the NSYNC one, they announced that American Idol had been canceled.]  
  
Duo: That was so disturbing.  
  
Sailor Mars: We have to go now.  
  
Sailor Jupiter: Yeah, our producers want to have a word with us.  
  
Fic writer "Jess": You mean your parents?  
  
Everyone: Ewww! SHUT IT "Jess"  
  
[All the Sailor Scouts leave]  
  
Noin: Hey it's time for FRIENDS. Let's tune in!  
  
Sally: What the Deathscythe Hell? They pre-emptied FRIENDS? There's a Britney Spears concert on instead.  
  
Hilde: Oh my ZERO! Look at that!  
  
Duo: What?  
  
[A group of little girls have stormed the stage. The security guards can't keep them at bay.]  
  
Girls on the TV: Spear Britney! Spear Britney!  
  
Heero: Wow.  
  
Dorothy: Brutal.  
  
Relena: Yes! Yes! Yes! I know this is Y18!  
  
(Okay I'm not going into gory details. I'm just writing the fic)  
  
Newscaster # 3: Today at a Britney Spears concert (may she rest in the Billboard chart of fame) died. It would seem as those Christina fans finally got to her. However, the truth is that those girls were just posing as Christina fans. The police think they've caught all the killers. But they haven't. I personally know for a fact that one of the killers is still loose. That killer finally speared Britney (may she rest in the Billboard chart of fame) because FRIENDS was pre-emptied in exchange for the concert, and the killer got mad. So the killer speared Ms. Spears (may she rest in the Billboard chart of fame). And that loose killer is.Me! Bwahahahahahaha!!! May she rest in the Billboard charts of shame!  
  
[TRL clicked back on. They were sitting in silence for half a second. Then Relena started laughing, and that was scary.]  
  
Fic writer J: Well, where should we go next?  
  
Fic writer "Jess": Are you crazy. You're not taking these psychos out again? You're crazy!  
  
Daniel: Crazy is as Crazy does.  
  
"Mars": Daniel? From our English class? AHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Fic writer J: Daniel, disappear! (Poof, and he's gone)  
  
"Missy": Thank ZERO.  
  
Relena: Yeah!!! (BOOM BOOM CRACK POP BOOM BOOM)  
  
Heero: WF. Curious. Why are we at the Wrestling Federation?  
  
Relena: I love this show!  
  
Commissioner: Hey babe.  
  
[Relena punches his face then kicks him in his stomach. She gets him in a choke hold and snaps his neck}  
  
Duo: Sheez, what does she need Heero for?  
  
[Noin and Sally are getting into the ring]  
  
Noin: I'm Noin and I'll kick anyone's roba (ass in Japanese) here!  
  
Sally: I'm Sally. If you think women are weak you need an ass kicking.  
  
Wufei: Stupid woman! You are too weak!  
  
[Sally grabs Wufei's collar and pulls him into the ring. Sally and Noin pummel Wufei until Wufei doesn't know his name. Relena jumps into the ring. She throws everyone out, then takes the mike.]  
  
Relena: Dorothy get away from me.  
  
Dorothy: WE want to challenge that dude! STONE COLD SEVE AUSTIN! GET OUT HERE!  
  
[Stone Cold walks down the ramp. The crowd is cheering. Some how Heero got the mike.]  
  
Heero: That baka (stupid) is going to get his baka no roba (stupid ass) kicked.  
  
Man: Why? The 3:16 rules!!!  
  
[The crowd went wild]  
  
Heero: Oh, you do not know those two women like I do. Just trust me.  
  
Stone Cold: I'll kick your asses. You're just two blonde little women!  
  
Beaten Wufei: Yeahhh man.Stone, you are too weak to fight Relena!  
  
Relena: Banzai!  
  
[Dorothy trips Stone Cold. Relena rips at his face until it's a bloody mess.]  
  
Stone Cold: What the fuck, these things are supposed to be rigged so that I win!!!!  
  
Relena: I don't think so!  
  
[She bounces off the side and jumps on Stone Cold]  
  
Man: Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Go Steve Austin!  
  
Dorothy: Oh yeah? You're cheering for this guy? Do you want a piece of me? Look at Stone he's dead.  
  
Man: Uhhhh.  
  
Heero: Omae o korosu  
  
[He fires gun]  
  
Man: Goodbye.cruel world..  
  
Heero: Shut up!  
  
"Mars": Shut it!  
  
[She pulls out a M-16 and kills the man]  
  
Heero: Cool.  
  
Wufei: Woman.What is your name?  
  
"Mars": "Mars"  
  
Wufei: I'm sorry I called you guys weak. I thought you were too weak to fight.  
  
Sally: Thank you.  
  
Wufei: Ohh.uh. I was talking to "Mars", but sorry.  
  
Sally: I accept.  
  
Relena: I swear I could have done it on my own. Dorothy get the fuck away from me! Bitch!  
  
[Relena jumps upon Dorothy and pulls at her hair, slamming her face into the ground. Then she punches Dorothy senseless. She takes out a big scissors and chops off all of Dorothy's hair]  
  
Dorothy: Noooo!  
  
[She jumps out of the ring and runs away screaming]  
  
Relena: Eeeeh, Heh, heh, heh, Eeeeh, heh, heh, heh, BWWAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Wufei: Oh my ZERO.  
  
Relena: I'm calling out the Rock!!!  
  
Heero: This shouldn't be good.  
  
[The Rock cocks his eyebrow and contorts his face. Relena jumps on him and snaps his neck with one hand. Then she lifts her eyebrow and makes the Rock's face.]  
  
Fic writer J: That was an interesting dream you had Relena.  
  
Quatre: It was a psychotic messed up dream you had.  
  
Relena: You wanna fight?!  
  
Quatre: Bring it on!  
  
Wufei: I had a weird dream too.  
  
Heero/psychologist: Go on.  
  
THE END Apology: Not to say that WF Smackdown is weak or anything, just that Relena can kick their ass. I apologize to Bill Clinton, MTV, Christina A., WF, Friends, The Backstreet Boys, American Idol, Daniel, Nikki, Celebrity Death Match, Addams Family, MTV news, Freddie Prinze Jr. Jessica Simpson, and Britney Spears. 


End file.
